Sally (Pilot) [1.01]

Jemaine: Man, back in New Zealand I was getting it on with lots of chicks.
Bret: Who?
Jemaine: Well, ah, Sarah Fitzpatrick, Michelle Fitzpatrick, Claire Fitzpatrick… the list goes on.
Bret: That was all of them.
Jemaine: Well, triple figures.
Bret: No that’s not triple figures. That’s three.
Dave: Have you tried the Gulab Jamuns? They are off the hook!
Dave: Chicks are attracted to lonely guys. It’s a psychological analogy.
Bret: What about Eugene? [He motions towards a lonely looking Eugene]
Dave: He knows what he’s doing.
Murray: (To Jemaine) I’ve told you. When you are in a band, you don’t get with your bandmate’s girlfriend. Past or present.
Jemaine: Yes, well, thanks for that.
Murray: You get a love triangle, you know, a Fleetwood Mac situation. Although there was four of them, so more of a love square. But you know, no-one gets on.
Jemaine: Ok, I see.
Murray: Mind you, they did make some of their best music back then.
Bret: Rumours?
Murray: No it’s all true.
Bret: I was going to be working on my secret project.
Jemaine: Your helmet that looks like your hair?
Bret: Yes.
Jemaine: How is that going?
Bret: It’s going pretty good. I still need to get some more body in the hair. Pretty much looks like a helmet.
Sally: I don’t think we should see each other again. I think it’s best if we pretended this never happened.
Jemaine: Maybe we could have a break?
Sally: A break? No. There’s no relationship.
Jemaine: …Yet. We could start with a break.
Sally: [After telling Jemaine that they are breaking up] I’ve tried two New Zealanders. Maybe what I really want is an Australian.
Dave: Look, I don’t know how they do things in England…
Bret and Jemaine: New Zealand.
Dave: Yeah, I don’t really give a shit.

Bret Gives Up The Dream [1.02]

Jemaine: Murray, we need some money.
Murray: Oh, okay. How much? [He fetches a lock box from a drawer] We’ve got four dollars in here.
Jemaine: I thought we had ten dollars?
Murray: This box cost six.
Eddie: The job is you have to hold up this sign and you have to make sure it points in the right direction. Now, does that sound like something you can do?
Jemaine: Sounds like something a lamppost could do.

Mugged [1.03]

Murray: Band Agenda. Item One: Haircut Bret.
Bret: No. Haven’t had it done.
Murray: Well get it cut. You don’t hear about professional musicians with long hair.
Bret: Well, Led Zeppelin?
Murray: No, I mean a man.
Murray: Item Two. A). Gig. Oh… a gig. I’m going to get you one.
Jemaine: (To thugs) You better be careful. Bret knows karate.
Bret: Yeah, I’ve got a book on karate… haven’t actually read it yet.

Sally Returns [1.05]

Jemaine: It’s not a cleaning cupboard, it’s an apartment. It’s my studio apartment.
Murray: More like a ‘compartment’.
Murray: I thought you said Sally was shallow.
Bret: Oh she’s not shallow.
Jemaine: She is shallow, but she’s really hot. She’s the hottest girl I’ve ever touched.
Dave: What’s a Chinese junk?
Bret: It’s a kind of ship.
Dave: Oh yeah sure. Women love that kind of sensitive nautical shit.
Bret: Really?
Dave: Yeah. Haven’t you ever seen Watership Down?
Bret: No.
Dave: Well me neither, but women love that film.

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