This is a guest post by Lloyds Apple

Tim Tebow-

Tim Tebow wears a cape underneath his civilian clothing and Gator uniform. He is cool enough to steal Chuck Norris jokes and claims them as his own. In his spare time he saves starving children by having his girlfriend mass produce breast milk…which is a combination of milk, gatorade and kryptonite. Because UF’s defense was bad last year and may struggle again this year, he will line up on defense. He is the best fullback…ever! He uses his heisman to floss. He does not bang random Florida hobags ’cause he is above the fray. Tim Tebow will go to Iraq and distract the bad guys so every troop withdraws successfully. Tim Tebow is responsible for Bobby Bowden being old and washed up. Before games he rolls around in asbestos and pisses out mesothelioma (look it up, kids).

Seriously, down here in Florida Tim Tebow fever is hotter than the sun. If you talk to UF alums, the guy can do no wrong. But, without a defense, he may leave with only one title…as a backup quarterback. How he does in the pros is up for debate.

Terrelle Pryor-

Pryor is responsible for beating the USC Trojans after rushing for 120 yards and throwing for eighty, with 3 total touchdowns. He also helped Thad Matta reach the final four as a phenomenal two sport athlete. After he single handily beat Michigan, Rich Rodriguez got on his knees and begged that he transfer to UM. When Pryor said no, Dick Rod told the entire UM cheerleading squad to get on their knees, and well, you know the rest. When he tied Tebow in the Heisman vote, he decided Tim could just have it because he had not made up his mind yet as to whether he wanted it or not. Once Ohio State made it to the title, they asked that the SEC put together an All-Star team just to make it fair, since after all, OSU now has Terrelle MOTHER FUCKING PRYOR!

Ok, I’ve seen the highlights. I watched the Army All-American game. I know TP is a baller. But at some point, even Ohio State fans need to realize, this dude is just a freshman. And he is playing for Jim Tressel. Sure, he’ll get a chance to showcase his talents. But he won’t have a chance to start until Senior QB Todd Boeckman is collecting an NFL paycheck

Michael Crabtree-

Crabtree is a as good or better than Chris Carter, Terrell Owens and Jerry Rice at their prime–combined. His 134 receptions for 1962 yards had nothing to do with playing for Texas Tech. Even if he played for Army, he would have had 1800 yards receiving. He actually has 3 hands. He does not sweat; instead he leaks sticky glue out of his hands. His eyeballs swirl around, hypnotizing defensive backs for an entirety of a football game. He will lead Texas Tech to winning a meaningful bowl game. He will lead Texas Tech to a Big 12 Title. His balance is so uncanny, he ties a rope string from building to building and walks across it while carrying his books and catching a football behind his back.

Is Crabtree the greatest receiver in college football history. NO!. He is damn good, FOR SURE, but I’m not ready to buy into the hype until I see him prove it in the NFL. His numbers are amazing but let’s face it, it’s almost like Hawaii type shit. Sure I’m discrediting him too much but I want to see him perform in an NFL system.

All three of the above guys are ballers. If they are playing on tv, I suggest watching because you may see something you’ve never seen before. But hell, this is college football and in the NCAA arena hype usually exceeds expectations. For these guys to prove it, they will all need to dominate their position, for their age and lead their teams to performances that are nothing short of brilliant. Are they capable, maybe, but keep in mind they are mere mortals so I would not bet on it.

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