This is a guest post by Greg Gamble. He is a Chicago-based freelance writer who also writes a daily betting blog.

Disregarding the NBA Draft, analyzing the transactions this off-season has been more exciting than finding a Viagra in your suitcase once you get to Amsterdam. With that, let’s take a look at the three teams that improve their stock more than MP3 manufacturer Reigncom did when they hired Jenna Jameson. (BTW, it might be a good idea to open a google image window and search some of the names in this article…if you’re over the age of 18 of course.)

3. TORONTO RAPTORS

Just like the action scenes in the cinematic masterpiece Aurora Snow vs Gauge, I wrestled with the decision of who pulled a Mariah Carey before a CD release and improved their look more—the Raps or 76ers. With both young squads finishing the year about .500 and both adding a top-tier low-post threat, it came down who lost more in the off-season. While Raptor Nation will tell you Jose Calderon has a better eye than Richie Sambora (Richards & Locklear) and can thread the needle like Gisele Bundchen’s boyfriend, I believe Sam Mitchell’s ability to limit his minutes when Ford was healthy aided immensely in his efficiency.

Without much NBA-experience behind the Spaniard, I simply feel with Andre Miller, Louis Williams, & Royal Ivey Philly is better suited to handle the 82-game grind.

As for Jermaine O’Mykneehurts, I’m a regular at the United Center (& the Admiral Theater on amateur night) and I can’t tell you how many times I’ve witnessed Jamaal Tinsley dribble around looking for Jermaine only to realize he’s on the bench with a kick-azz suit (BTW, I was at Iowa State during Tinsley’s time and everywhere that cat walked there was an entourage looking like they just finished an angry rap video shot at a strip club…I that was frickin’ Iowa!). While some question how Brand will respond following the Achilles-tear, I trust his recovery much more than O’Neal’s permanent bad-wheel (only once in the last 4-years has he played more than 51 games—and he played 69 that year). In addition, even though Bosh & O’Neal will be dynamic splitting time on either block and running the high post, on the defensive end the Raps are missing a guy like Samuel Dalembert to aid in the ballers Kapono & Calderon let slip through like Travis Henry’s swimmers.

Finally, while looking at the collection of wings Bryan Colangelo has invested-in would make Donald Trump proud, I believe they need at least one mid-level star to balance their offense and make this team special in the East. And trust me, I’m not hating because I love the high-flying feel-good story of Jamario, appreciate the annoying sharp-shooting UCLA Bruin, and actually played some ball against Parker in Chicago (if you count playing as smelling his nut-sack as he dunked on my head). Call me crazy, but I believe having all your scoring coming from a somewhat undersized frontcourt with bad knees can be dangerous. Overall, I expect Toronto to battle with Philly all season for the 5th seed before losing out (#1 Boston, #2 Orlando, #3 Detroit, #4Cleveland)…that is unless the crafty Colangelo can convince somebody to take a chance on Bargnani before the deadline.

2. PHILADELPHIA 76ERS

Considering the Iguodala signing is more of forgone conclusion than getting lucky at Pool Party in Van Nuys CA, paired with Elton Brand’s efficient play on the block and the underrated and sickly-athletic Sammy D (10.5 ppg, 10.4 rpg, 2.3 bpg), the 76ers arguable have the best starting frontcourt in the East. In addition, Andre Miller runs an offense better than Joanna Krupa wears a swimsuit, and unlike 98% of the guards in the league, understands he doesn’t need to shoot just because he’s open…did you hear that Chris Duhon?!

As for the most criticized starting player for any playoff team in SG Willie Green, the Horizon League star will no longer be forced into big-time minutes by Mo Cheeks. In my opinion, the flashy combo guard Louis Williams is going to surprise people the way Halle Berry did on sofa with Billy Bob with his fluid play, while the signing of the floor-spacing Kareem Rush might be the best low-budget moves since Emmanuelle in Bangkok…another epic thriller. While nobody will write about it, Philly now has a three-headed monster to combat every possible match-up at the 2-spot.

Overall, carrying over the confidence after a surprising 6th place finish, losing absolutely nobody of significance, and adding a 20 and 10 locker room gem like Brand makes the Sixers a legitimate threat for home-court in Round One. While many believe their bench could be the Achilles Heel this season (no pun intended Elton), I actually think the development of the quiet-phenom Thad Young, the ball grabbing bastard Reggie Evans, and the underrated signings of Royal Ivey & Kareem Rush give them an opportunity to rough-up some teams during the regular season.

1. HOUSTON ROCKETS

Having a combustible, yet insanely talented star in a contract year is like going on a date with Cameron Diaz after Justin Timberlake traded her in for a younger hottie. While normally she wouldn’t let you near the good stuff, you know she’ll be trying to prove she’s over his azz and probably even has a little hate-ahhh…loving making her in her system. As for the Rockets, the Tru-Warrior will not only be looking to prove his play is worthy of a monster deal next off-season, but also that his mind and health can make it through an entire season.

Call me Alonzo Spellman if you’d like, but if healthy (and that’s a Matsugane Y?ko-big “IF”…I definitely recommend a google image search) I truly believe the trio of Ming, McGrady, & Ron-Ron is better than the Celtics Three Amigos. T-Mac would bludgeon Shuttlesworth at the offensive and has the length to disrupt his shot. Considering they play two ends in the Association, contract year-Artest one-on-one with Paulie is much closer than people think. And if his feet work, nobody can stop Yao on the block…even the reigning defensive MVP.

Throw-in a Battier/Artest combo preventing T-Mac’s back from guarding anybody worth a damn on the wing, a bunch of PFs that love to do Ming’s dirty-work in Scola, Landry (probably), & Dorsey, and a vet spreading the floor like the Ronny the Hedgehog spreads legs in Brent Barry, and I’m contemplating moving Adelman’s crew into the top spot in the West.

To read more of Greg Gamble’s thoughts you can check out his other Cuzoogle guest posts or go to his daily sports betting blog, Inside Plays.

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