Like most of Cuzoogle’s readers, one of the shows on the must see list for the new season of TV is HBO’s Entourage. After three episodes it is great to see the true Ari Gold back in business and no more of this sensitive BS from last season. He is yelling, fighting and saying things you truly have to hear to believe.

Since we had great success a few weeks ago posting quotes and clips of Johny Drama, it seemed fitting to do something similar for one of Entourage’s other fan favourites.

Let’s blog it out bitch with 25 awesome quotes from Mr. Ari Gold.

Quotes

Ari Gold: Call me Helen Keller because I’m a fucking miracle worker!

Ari Gold: Listen to me, Lloyd, do you want to make it in this business or fold shirts at a Chinese laundromat? Pledge.

Ari Gold: Listen, Lloyd, I want you to put all my files, folders, binders, *everything* into a box! If you find a used condom, an executioner’s mask, and a fucking spike paddle, don’t think, just pack that bitch! Chop suey!

Ari Gold: You know what they feed people on an indi set, Vinnie? Nothing! They don’t give you a trailer. They tell you to go sit on an apple box. Ever try to bang an extra on an apple box?

Ari Gold: I’m ready to go here, all right? It’s like R. Kelly at recess. Honey, honey, what are you doing? Are you kidding me? Baby!

Ari Gold: You can have it if you want to live in Agora fucking hills, and go to group therapy, but if you want a Beverly Hills mansion, a country club membership, and nine weeks a year in a Tuscan villa, then I’m gonna need to take a call when it comes in at noon on a motherfucking Wednesday.

Ari Gold: We are gonna get drunk with Russell Crowe and we’re gonna head-butt some goddamn kangaroos.

Ari Gold: Smoke more weed, Turtle. Seriously, smoke more weed.

Ari Gold: My assistant is to be gang-raped by a gang of one.

Ari Gold: That was a good speech, Lloyd. If I was 25 and liked cock, we could be something.

Ari Gold: Tell Drama he’s on the top of my list of things to do today, along with inserting needles in my cock!

Ari Gold: Dana I have never cheated on my wife, not since she became my wife, but if you wanna jerk me in the car now, I’m game.

Ari Gold: Mohamed Ali came back once too often too, Terence.

Ari Gold: I knew you liked dick, Babs, but i didn’t realize you were a cocksucker.

Ari Gold: It’s like high school. You can’t fuck the prom queen until she finds out her best friend jerked you off underneath the bleachers!

Ari Gold: You fire a guy, you create a rival. You fire a woman, you create a housewife.

Ari Gold: I drove to work today in an $80,000 Mercedes and I’m going home in a prop car from Fast and the Furious… my life is over!

Ari Gold: Fuck the phones, Lloyd! Unless Carmen Electra calls for an emergency titty-fuck, don’t answer!

Ari Gold: I would say hug it out, but I don’t want you drawing wood.

Ari Gold: All right, when you talk to Dana, tell her I’m going to take the pictures from Cancun, and start a website called imahollywoodexecutivewhore.com and there will be no password or fee required, and I will take out a full page ad in the LA Times promoting it. Tell her I want a fucking call back.

Ari Gold: Fuck you. Where’d you hear that, Friendster?

Now for a few from Season 5

Ari Gold: (golfing): Rusty cunt bucket! FUCK!

Ari Gold: You will come back stronger then ever. Like Lance Armstrong. But with two balls.

Ari Gold: No Indies E! Think of it as the holocaust, never again!

Ari Gold: Fuck Richard Roper. You know I went to college with him? Yeah when he was pledging we used to tie beer cans around his nuts and make him walk across campus. I think last night was payback.

Since we cut off the list at 25, if we missed a memorable one, please leave it in the comments.

Now for a few bonus videos that cover most of these quotes.

Got someone to fire today? Do it the Ari Gold way.

Ari calls E a name we won’t type out in respect to the ladies.

Other Entourage goodness

Photos from this year’s premiere party

All of the babes of Entourage


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