Finally Jack is back this weekend!. After almost two years of waiting, 24 fans will get their fix on Sunday night with the the two-hour movie Redemption. Then the new season of 24 will return with a two-night, four-hour premiere on Sunday, January 11th, and Monday, January 12th.

In honour of one of the most bad ass dudes on TV returning, we figured it was a good time to clean house and get rid of all of the sports figures that drive us crazy everyday. Who better than Jack Bauer to do what he does best and take them all out one-by-one and clean up the sports world of irritants. Sure they are not threatening our well being or anything but since the economy is in the toilet, might as well provide some entertainment.

We don’t condone killing of course unless your name starts with Jack and ends with Bauer.

Here are 24 sports figures that we could certainly do without.

1. Adam “Pacman” Jones

Jack says “I live by the rules of the great game of baseball, three strikes and you are out.”

2. Rich Rodriguez

Jack says “Tell me to worry about things like the economy? How about you worry about winning a game!”

3. Gary Bettman

Jack says “You probably don’t think I could force this towel down your throat, but trust me I can.”

4. Gilbert Arenas

Jack says “If you try to blog about me, I will have to blog about you back, and I promise I won’t miss”

5. Donovan McNabb

Jack says “Do you know how many people lost their lives today because you did not know a football game could end in a tie!”

6. The PGA Tour guys who don’t like honesty

Jack says “There are things in this world which are out of our control. Sometimes we like to blame ourselves for them so we can try to make sense out of them.”

7. Stephen A. Smith

Jack says “Shut up stupid, you just fired at a federal agent and don’t know anything about sports.”

8. Bill Belichick

Jack says “By the time I’m finished with you, you’re gonna wish you felt this good again.”

9. Mats Sundin

Jack says “Make a decision already. Trust me, you do not wanna go down this road with me.”

10. Joe Buck

Jack says “You look harmless but if you piss off the Angry T, then you piss of Jack Bauer.”

11. Jeremy Shockey

Jack says “No games, Jeremy. I don’t need another reason to put a bullet in your brain.”

12. Ryan Leaf

Jack says “I can make you die with more pain than you ever imagined. Better ask one of your players for a pill fast.”

13. Bud Selig

Jack says “Mr. President, it’s been an honor.”

14. Todd Bertuzzi

Jack says “For whatever reason you pissed of GrandmasterB, therefore you are done. How do you like that sucker punch?”

15. Don Cherry

Jack says “T-Roc gave the orders, your days are done Mr. Cherry. Let’s go!”

16. Will Solomon/Jamario Moon

Jack says “You are gonna be held accountable for what you’ve done today. Raptors fans want more.”

17. Sean Avery

Jack says “You were nailing my daughter Kim. She just can’t go a whole hour without getting kidnapped!”

18. Roger Clemens

Jack says “You’ll never understand that kind of commitment. That kind of loyalty.”

19. Stephon Marbury

Jack says “You will experience a pain I can’t even describe. Oklahoma City called but I said he is mine”

20. Chad Johnson

Jack says “You son of a bitch….pick a fuckin name and shut up.”

21. Terrell Owens

Jack says “You’re now responsible for thousands. Trust me, I haven’t even begun to enjoy myself.”

22. The BCS Championship committee

Jack says “I want a playoff system damnit and with Obama on board we will get one.”

23. The Detroit Lions

Jack says “The only reason I fought so hard to stay alive in China was because I didn’t want to die for nothing…….now fix this franchise!”

24. Reggie Miller

Jack says “Quite broadcasting. You make one sound and I will rip your tongue out. Are we clear?”


See the sports world would be a less annoying place if Jack Bauer was on the case. Sadly he has to keep saving the world in 24 hour segments.

To get you ready for Sunday night’s big movie, here is a preview.


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