Every week T-Roc will share his thoughts on what is going on in college football, make picks and fire back at your nasty comments. Want to learn more about him, check out his first post or visit his archive.

“Well goddam, look at them crazy sumbitches up north!”

That’s how I hope, in my heart of hearts, Americans are reacting to the political twists and turns we’re enduring here in Canada. In reality, I know most of them would rather hand wash their father’s underwear than pay attention to Canuck politics. That’s a fucking shame, considering the madness currently underway.

A (painfully inadequate) summary: Prime Minister Stephen Harper, traditionally the smartest man in the room, has bullied his opponents for possibly the last time. Thanks to Harper’s minority win in the recent federal election, he may now be helpless as the opposing parties form a coalition that can wrest control of the House of Commons away from the Conservatives.

Depending on your political colours, it’s either an historical shot to the solar plexus of right-wing politics (actually only slightly right-of-centre, but who’s keeping track?), or an unprecedented and unjustifiable coup d’etat.

On the downside, Canadian politics has hit a low point in terms of partisan one-upmanship. On the other hand, the Parliamentary Channel has become entertaining TV for the first time in history… something I’ll celebrate by using Canuck politicians as the catalysts for this week’s picks.

All numbers are from Pinnaclesports.com from Tuesday evening.

Buffalo vs. Ball State (in Detroit), Friday, 8 p.m. ET: Ball State -15

The MAC championship is doomed to be a background player, kind of like Jack Layton and the New Democrats. Ol’ Jack’s been promised a half-dozen seats in the speculative shell cabinet the coalition proposes to form, but take a look at the newspapers north o’ the border and his picture’s nowhere to be found, manly moustache be damned.

Similarly, the MAC title game has the Friday night spotlight, but who gives a fuck? Seriously. Ball State’s not getting a BCS shot even if they win by 89-0, right? So who gives a fuck? And don’t talk to me about Turner Gill’s record at Buffalo - I watched that guy with the Montreal Concordes in the 80s, and he’s no fucking miracle worker. So who gives a fuck?

You listening, Jack? You’re chasing a crown but no one gives a fuck! So stay home. Oh, and I’ll lay the points with Ball State. Buffalo’s 6-0 ATS away from home this year? Who gives a fuck?!?

Army vs. Navy (in Philadelphia), Saturday, noon ET: Under 45

Conservative Defence Minister Peter MacKay recently suggested that he loved playing chicken with opposition parties because they always played the chicken role in the end. Well, this recent political ‘game’ ended up in a tie, with neither side backing down.

The same thing should happen in Philly on Saturday, with neither defence backing down, resulting in a lot of head-on collisions. Navy shut out a decent Northern Illinois team last weekend, so Army’s weak offensive attack should be manageable. Once the lead is in hand, the Middies’ triple-option attack should kill the clock.

On an unrelated note, Peter MacKay is also the Minister for the Atlantic Gateway. Good idea, Pete… let’s transform the Maritimes into a 16-lane mega-highway so our neighbour to the south gets its dose of useless shit from China. Fuckin’ douche. Go play some rugby.

East Carolina at Tulsa, Saturday, noon ET: Tulsa -13 ½

Beautiful, yet somehow under the radar. The phrase describes both the Tulsa offense and lovely Liberal Ruby Dhalla, whose very name sounds like a part of a cock rock anthem suitable for Van Halen in the DLR days:

Rubyyyyyy, Ruby Dhalla! (Ow!)

Make my trouser snake holla!

Rubyyyyyy, Ruby Dhalla! (Yeah-eah!)

Make my dick six inches taller!

Tulsa won every C-USA home game by at least 30 points this year. And if Ruby Dhalla was a college football team, she, like the Golden Hurricane, would score 60.5 points per game on her home turf.

Boston College vs. Virginia Tech (in Tampa), Saturday, 1 p.m. ET: Boston College, pick ‘em

The ACC Championship Game is best personified by Stephane Dion, the weak-chinned quasi-temporary leader of the Liberals. Slapped around and scorned during the election campaign, Dion couldn’t win. Kind of like the ACC through mid-November.

Well who’s laughin’ now, bitches?!? Thanks to goings-on over the last week, Dion is poised to become Canada’s next Prime Minister and the ACC gave the once-mighty SEC the ol’ 1-2-3 in los testaclos.

What does this have to do with Saturday’s game in a half-empty stadium? Beware the motherfucker who recognizes an opportunity to capitalize. And BC makes opponents turn the ball over and capitalizes like no one else in the ACC. The Eagles fly into the Orange Bowl? Fucking hell, how’s Texas Tech gonna feel about that?

Alabama vs. Florida (in Atlanta), Saturday, 4 p.m. ET: Florida -9 ½

The Tide and the Gators are the Bob Rae and Michael Ignatieff of the U.S. college football world, fighting each other for the chance to be the fuckin’ man.

Yeah, there’s another hurdle ahead once they take each other on, but the Liberal Party fancies itself as Canada’s ‘natural governing party’, much like the SEC fancies itself King Shit among football conferences. Once internal control is gained, the rest of the world is easy, right?

It’s a tight race north of the 49th, not quite as tight in Atlanta. The ‘Bama defence hasn’t faced a legitimately good offence since September. Florida’s offence is putting up Tulsa-like numbers against some of America’s most athletic defences. The SEC race is already over.

Oklahoma vs. Missouri (in Kansas City), Saturday, 8 p.m. ET: Missouri +16 ½

Oklahoma, like PM Harper, can’t win. The Sooners can smoke Mizzou on Saturday and then trample the SEC winner in January, but the 45-35 loss to Texas is going to act as an asterisk no matter.

Stephen Harper (or “Steve” to certain down-home White House folk) is to blame for his own party’s mess and he, too, will come out of this affair a tarnished man no matter the end result. He didn’t just moon the opposition - he pulled his pants down, took a steamy shit and told his opponents to lick it. That kind of behaviour simply don’t fly, whether you’re in Ottawa, ON or Odessa, TX.

OU has been awesome in recent weeks, but the Sooners’ run defence can allows a lot of yards while the cool Kansas City night can slow Sam Bradford & Co. Here’s hoping Mizzou wins outright and absolutely fucks up the entire BCS picture.

Last week: 3-3 ATS

Year-to-date: 42-41-1 ATS

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