Every week T-Roc will share his thoughts on what is going on in college football, make picks and fire back at your nasty comments. Want to learn more about him, check out his first post or visit his archive.

The pre-Christmas Bowls

Ho, ho, hold onto those inner thoughts, motherfuckers! Stuttered words of advice from T-Roc, stemming from the recent weekend’s adventures.

It’s the holiday season and most of us will imbibe little more than usual. And where there’s copious amounts of alcohol, brutal honesty usually lurks nearby.

I won’t get into too many details, other than to say that a female friend asked me (after many drinks) what I thought of the guy she’d just started dating. I told her (and friends within earshot) what I thought of the fucking wanker. I’ve since invested in extra locks for my doors out of fear of castration while I sleep.

Anyway - you crazy kids had best heed the words of Hall and Oates, who weren’t lying when they suggested “Some Things (Are Better Left Unsaid)”.

On a less scary topic, it’s almost Bowl season. Here are my picks for the pre-Christmas games, based on Pinnacle.com’s betting lines as of December 15. None of the following picks factor weather into the equation, and late-breaking firings / hirings / arrests / staph infections are, as always, to be considered before actually placing a bet.

Saturday, December 20

11 a.m. ET - EagleBank Bowl

Navy vs. Wake Forest: Wake Forest -3

We’re supposed to be excited about this one, right? It kicks off Bowl Season, involves likeable teams led by likeable coaches, and it’ll coax us out of bed on an otherwise miserably hungover Saturday, right? Then why don’t I give more of a fuck?

Maybe it’s ‘cause we witnessed the September 27 mess won by the visiting Naval Academy despite completing only four passes. Luckily for the Middies, Riley Skinner completed an equal number of passes to Navy defenders.

No such luck this time. The ACC should get off to a winning start, despite it being essentially a home game for Navy.

2:30 p.m. ET - New Mexico Bowl

Fresno State vs. Colorado State: Over 60 ½

Not a bad game, this one. I have a feeling I’ll watch the end of this one before I even consider flipping to the St. Petersburg Bowl.

That could be due to the distinct possibility of a shootout in University Stadium. Neither offence lit it up late in the season, but both defences gave up points by the bucketload to any school worth a hill of beans. Add in the laissez-faire attitude to so many of these postseason cash-grabs and I can’t resist the over.

4:30 p.m. ET - St. Petersburg Bowl

Memphis vs. South Florida: Under 52

Another inaugural bowl! And this one might have a crowd that cares! Too bad I can’t be bothered. USF kicked my betting arse early this season with its surprising suckiness. I stopped backing them by mid-October, and thank God: the Bulls went 2-5 in the Big East and exceeded 21 points only once.

Luckily they meet an inferior Tigers team on Saturday. Given the hefty spread and South Florida’s underperforming offence, I’ll take the under. I might also take a long shit during the game, given that an early-evening bowel movement might pack more entertainment than this game.

8 p.m. ET - Las Vegas Bowl

BYU vs. Arizona: Arizona -3

Yowza, live from Las Vegas, a spicy fuckin’ meatball of a bowl game!

The official welcome for this game was held at the ESPNZone in the Strip’s New York New York hotel and casino, a place I was booted out of for my failure to wear a shirt. Fuck you, Vegas - built on gangster money, rotting up an otherwise beautiful valley in the American Southwest and stealing fistfuls of money from schmucks who can’t afford it… but I can’t walk around shirtless. Nice.

BYU is used to this game and the Cougars won’t be distracted by the Strip’s temptations, but I like UA to cover as a favourite in a celebration of its return to the postseason. Welcome back, Wildcats, enjoy the veal.

Sunday, December 21

8:15 p.m. ET - New Orleans Bowl

Troy vs. Southern Miss: Troy -4

I like CollegeFootballNews.com and Pete Fiutek’s pieces in particular, but that doesn’t mean I agree with everything he says. The New Orleans Bowl is a case in point - Ol’ Pete thinks this game is the shit. Me? I just can’t match his excitement.

With money on the line, however, excitement takes a back seat to betting strategy. Southern Miss ended the season 4-0 straight-up and against the spread, but that just distracts from the Eagles’ prior 0-5 SU and ATS slump.

Troy played the tougher schedule, put up the better overall record and was a world-beater (for half an hour) in its last game in Louisiana.

Tuesday, December 23

8 p.m. ET - Poinsettia Bowl

TCU vs. Boise State: Under 46 ½

Now this, mes amis, is, oh, comment d’it-on, un spectacle! But not so much if you dig offence. Both the Horned Frogs and the Broncos have been super-stingy, with both defences allowing around 10 points per game from October onward.

And as a very wise betting man told me, dry conditions help defences more than they help offences. It never rains in Southern California, you say? Then it’s the under for me, thanks.

Wednesday, December 24

8 p.m. ET - Hawaii Bowl

Notre Dame vs. Hawaii: Hawaii -1

Don’t be fooled by the schools, this won’t be as entertaining as some are making it out to be. Last year’s East Carolina-Boise State clash? That was awesome. Watching the fat man and golden boy lose might be fun in a sadistic sense, but it not in terms of football aesthetics.

Notre Dame stunk it up to end the season and now face a Warriors team that always brings the noise at home. I’ll lay the single point, fo’ sho’.

Record through December 15 (AKA “Eye on Mediocrity, 2008”): 44-45-1 ATS

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