Every week T-Roc will share his thoughts on what is going on in college football, make picks and fire back at your nasty comments. Want to learn more about him, check out his first post or visit his archive.

I’m writing this column drunk. I want y’all to know right off the bat. And it’s about time I did so.

I’m 32-32-2 against the spread this year. I’m just as good at handicapping as your dog or your baby, were said dog/baby offered the choice between marbles in the colours of opponent colleges. If you’re following my picks, you have deep-rooted issues about your ability to think independently and shouldn’t be gambling, friend.

I am not drunk because of the Olympic torch ceremony happening outside my fucking office right now, that’s for sure. (Sidney Crosby just ran the torch down Sackville Street, by the way.)

I watched that shit get set up in front of City Hall. Five Coca-Cola trucks and three RBC trucks were there to hand out glowing plastic Coke bottles and Thunderstix to everyone walking by. Yeah, that’s the Olympic spirit - give people cheap plastic shit they’ll throw away once Sid hits the airport.
Sadly, the streets were jammed with Thunderstix-slappers who somehow thought the mayor of Halifax deserved applause for the City of Vancouver’s boondoggle. Fucking sheep.

No. I am drunk because work blows hammer these days and I want to quit but it’s such a fucking gloomy employment environment that I can’t think of a better plan than to take advantage of happy hour prices at various bars then return to my office and drunkenly write a college football betting column. All odds are from Pinnaclesports.com as of Wednesday afternoon.

Duke at Miami, noon ET: Duke +19 ½

Miami has little to play for, likely a near-empty stadium and an injury list longer than my dick.

Or maybe that’s the beer goggles talking.

About Miami’s attendance, not my dick.

No dice, Hurricanes. Other than the debacle against Georgia Tech’s option, the Blue Devils have put up more-than-respectable scores against ACC foes.

UConn at Notre Dame, 2:30 p.m. ET: Notre Dame -6

For a long-proclaimed Notre Dame hater, I’ve backed the Irish enough this year… I don’t like myself for it, but drunken T-Roc says the Domers win by double-digits on Saturday in South Bend.

The Huskies are underappreciated hustlers, but Notre Dame, with a visit to Stanford next week, sees a 6-6 record and a shitty bowl game in the near future if the five-star talent doesn’t lay the shillelagh to UConn at home.

Purdue at Indiana, 3:30 p.m. ET: Indiana +3

The Boilermakers are like that douchebag at a party who happens to come up with a great one-liner when everyone’s listening which subsequently shapes everyone’s opinion of them. For those who struggle to read between the lines, the simile refers to Purdue’s win over Ohio State.

Indiana, in the meantime, is no doubt a better provider and likely has a much longer collective penis than Purdue, given recent results against Penn State and Wisconsin. I bet Indiana even cuddles. And that’s neither metaphor nor euphemism.

And that last paragraph is exactly why people shouldn’t follow my picks. But if you do, you won’t be alone - I just laid $50 on a six-way parlay.

Kansas at Texas, 8 p.m. ET: Texas -27 ½

Yeehaw, bitches, layin’ money on the ‘Horns, that’s what I do… wait, what? I’ve repeatedly doubted Texas since the post-Vince Young era? Hmm, is it hypocritical to back Texas now?

Fuck no! I’m drunk! That’s (part of) the beauty of drunkenness - you can say shit, but when you announce your intoxication beforehand, no one really holds you to it!

So hook ‘em ‘Horns and all that shit, because I truly think there’s a royal shitkicking about to occur in Austin this Saturday. KU’s a fucking mess.

Oregon at Arizona, 8 p.m. ET: Arizona +6

ESPN’s College GameDay hits Arizona’s campus this Saturday for the most determinative remaining game in the Pac-10 conference race.

The Wildcats are 5-0 at home with a couple quality wins while the Ducks have been capable of shitting themselves on the road. My drunken self doesn’t like Oregon on the road this weekend.

Nevada at New Mexico State, 8 p.m. ET: Over 58

The Aggies haven’t allowed more than 45 points this year… ‘til now. Drunken T-Roc says New Mexico State gives up at least 300 points come Saturday!

Or at least enough for Nevada, with its fucking ga-ga ground game, to top the total by itself.

Last week: 2-3-1

2009 to date: 32-32-2

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